This Is Not a Self-Care Problem
We keep fixing the wrong things.
You’re feeling burnt out? Take a few days off.
That’s what I was told, after an under-a-minute GP consultation, when I reached out for feeling burnt out and overwhelmed. No questions asked to understand my situation. No consideration for internal or external factors. Nothing. Just a dismissal: “Call us back if it’s not better.”
The truth is, women with high-functioning burnout are far less likely to reach out for help in the first place. And while I’m not self-diagnosing, and I am taking two weeks off for the end-of-year holidays, I couldn’t stop thinking about how no amount of self-care or expensive retreats can fix a deep systemic issue.
This is not a criticism of the individuals working within the NHS, not at all. But it is a criticism of a system built for “efficiency,” at an efficient human cost.
As a woman in my early 30s, governments (like the French one) are openly pointing at me and my peers as responsible for the decline in birth rates. I am still very enraged by that. But no one is asking what is happening, or why.
I am deeply invested in and passionate about my career. I am not a caretaker. And I am already absolutely, full-time exhausted. I didn’t spend my 20s abusing my body or my health. Weirdly enough, I’ve always been obsessed with plants, and with ways of taking care of myself that wouldn’t hurt me in the long run. The learning curve wasn’t steep for me. I’m still learning, of course, but I would definitely put myself in the category of people who are genuinely trying.
And still, the system that was never built for me keeps taking from me, without ever giving back. Whether that’s work, society, or the medical system. And when I seek help, I don’t get answers.
Instead, I’m bombarded with ads for a new serum to add to my self-care routine. Or an overpriced retreat in a country where our presence actively contributes to the rising cost of living for locals. And I could go on.
Every proposed “solution” avoids questioning the systems that keep burning us out.
This is a rant. I don’t have an answer. I don’t have a solution. Just a reminder, as the year comes to an end: we are not supposed to fix ourselves through self-care routines alone. They help, absolutely, but they rarely address the root cause of the problem.
I don’t have answers yet. Maybe none of us do.
But I wanted to say this out loud, because I know I’m not alone in feeling it.
If this resonates, take it as a quiet reminder: you are not broken, you are tired and not by accident. And whatever rest looks like for you right now, I hope you can claim a little of it without guilt.
I’m sending you softness, wherever you are.
Samantha